February 16, 2012 (examen prayer entry from my spiritual journal)
This was a lesson in times of desolation.
The Lord brought to mind how yesterday, I felt dizzy because of my cold. My head was congested, my ear had pain. When I woke yesterday morning, I had to hold on to the walls, I was so dizzy. The room was turning, and I felt nauseous. After I ate breakfast and prayed the rosary, I did some prayer time and felt a bit better. But still not good.
I persevered in completing our tax returns throughout the day, even though my head felt awful, and I felt weak and unsteady from the head cold. I have been sick for one week now - the cold began last Thursday.
Jack helped me, by doing supper and lunch and cleaning up as well.
I completed all last night, even praying for wisdom concerning our medical expenses, whether it was worth it for $23.30. After all the work, I felt the Lord leading me to 'keep it simple' and leave it as it is, setting aside the credit for medical expenses.
I felt sick but I wanted to complete the work, and persevered to the end. At 10pm, all returns were ready for the mail, for both of us, federal and provincial.
Through this the Lord showed me that this is how we should persevere in times of desolation.
We may not have the spiritual strength, energy, or desire. We may feel heavy with fear, doubt, or simply empty, dark, void of desire or hope. In that time, we will receive, through grace, enough energy to persevere in our prayer time. The Lord will provide what we need.
And in the end, we may not feel elated, we may still feel the same, but the work will have been brought to completion.
And from the time of desolation, will come a hidden fruit, a nugget, wisdom for another time.
For me it was simply this, a lesson in persevering in times of desolation. I am encouraged, for I feel at times that I am in desolation, since (a family member's) diagnosis.
And I persevere. It has been a long year since we first received this diagnosis last February.
I thank the Lord for carrying us through and I continue to pray for her healing.
What is coming to me is that, in difficult times, when struggling in prayer, keep it simple.
This is not the time to strive, in the hope of great revelations. Keep it simple.
"Bow down, then, before the power of God now, and he will raise you up on the appointed day; unload all your worries on to him, since he is looking after you...You will have to suffer only for a little while: the God of all grace who called you to eternal glory in Christ will see that all is well again: he will confirm, strengthen and support you. His power lasts for ever and ever. Amen." 1Peter 5:6,7,10,11
To know more about this method of prayer, see below for an Outline of the Examen, and for links to online video teaching presented by Fr. Timothy Gallagher.
An Outline of the Examen
This outline is based on Ignatius' presentation of the examen in the Spiritual Exercises (no. 43).
Transition: I become aware of the love with which God looks upon me as I begin this examen.
Step One: Gratitude. I note the gifts that God's love has given me this day, and I give thanks to God for them.
Step Two: Petition. I ask God for an insight and a strength that will make this examen a work of grace, fruitful beyond my human capacity alone.
Step Three: Review. With my God, I review the day. I look for the stirrings in my heart and the thoughts that God has given me this day. I look also for those that have not been of God. I review my choices in response to both, and throughout the day in general.
Step Four: Forgiveness. I ask for the healing touch of the forgiving God who, with love and respect for me, removes my heart's burdens.
Step Five: Renewal. I look to the following day and, with God, plan concretely how to live it in accord with God's loving desire for my life.
Transition: Aware of God's presence with me, I prayerfully conclude the examen.
Fr. Timothy Gallagher on the Examen Prayer
See also links for the Examen Prayer 1st, 2nd, and 3rd steps...
Chaplet of Saint Ignatius
If you knew the treasure of God, in sitting in silence with His Word, you would never speak again...received in prayer on January 25, 2012
Friday 23 March 2012
Friday 9 March 2012
What is Discernment of Spirits?
It was the early 80's. The kids were playing in the basement after supper; the dishwasher was on. I lay down to close my eyes for a bit. I kept feeling that I should get up, and the thought of flooding water came to me. I was tired and pushed it aside. Paranoid I thought. I continued to lie there. Then I heard the children calling me. I went downstairs, and there it was: a dish covering the drain of the sink; it had blocked the water that was emptying from the dishwasher. The sink had overflowed, sending drips of water down to the basement. Thankfully, my children noticed the water, and called me right away. A bit of cleaning up, but no serious damage was done. I thought: I should have paid attention to that inner nudge.
One day in the late 80's I was standing beside my desk with a customer services officer who needed my help with a client. The bank was full of customers. Suddenly a rush of urgency came over me, and the thought: Quick. Check the Tellers. I left the surprised woman in the middle of her sentence, and quickly crossed over to the glass-enclosed area where the Tellers worked. I had recently begun to do spot checks of their cash drawers, in an effort to encourage them to be more vigilant of their cash drawer limits. "But we never get robbed," they would moan when I spoke of their responsibility in this area of their work. They were surprised to see me again, as I had just completed one of my "surprise" spot checks. One by one I checked their cash drawers: they had all taken in cash, and were all over the limit. The excess cash was quickly bundled and "dropped" into hidden vaults. I exited the "cage", and went to the customer services officer whom I had left standing at my desk. She was custodian of a portable cash unit that was rolled out when the branch was busy. "O non, Penny, pas maintenant," she said to me as I quietly asked her to show me the contents of her cash drawer. She also was well over the limit. As this last bundle of excess cash was "dropped" by the Head Teller in the cage, we heard a man shouting: We were being robbed. It was the first time the branch had been robbed, and thankfully he didn't get much. I felt a deep sense of peace inside as I did all that needed to be done in a calm and orderly manner - locking the branch, calling the police, assisting the staff, speaking with detectives, reporting, etc. I had been praying and asking the Lord to bless me in my work life, and as I worked that day, I knew with certainty that He had helped me in a very special way.
In the mid 90's I worked for a Christian NGO. An opportunity arose for staff members to work for a few weeks overseas, to give overseas staff some vacation time. I thought: God has blessed me with so much in my life; I can do this. I spoke with my husband, who is always supportive of me. Jack mentioned that he wasn't sure I had the physical strength for such work, but that it was my decision. I had suffered a herniated disk several years earlier, but with no surgery, had recuperated quite well. I applied, had my interview, and was asked if I would be interested in leading the team. Our destination would be in a remote area of the Philippines or Haiti. My family was also concerned for my health. Meanwhile, my enthusiasm was waning, and I was feeling confused and uncertain. One day I biked with Jack to visit my sister Nancy, who again expressed her concern. Feeling sad, and a little defiant, I said to her, "I am praying about this, you know" She gently but firmly took hold of my shoulders, looked closely into my eyes, and said, "Yes. And the Lord is answering you. Through your family, who loves you, and are worried about you." I was quite taken aback. We hugged our goodbyes, and as Jack and I rode away I said to him, "but God has blessed me with so much...." "Yes, He has," Jack said, "but do you think God would want you to risk your health to pay him back." And my eyes opened a little. When I was back in the office, I contacted the department, apologized, and said that I had reconsidered my decision to go overseas. I felt quite disappointed, like a child, and I realized that this was something that I had desired for myself, and not a direction that God had called me in. Later that day, I met another woman in the office who had also applied to go overseas, but whose application had not been accepted. She too was quite disappointed. We took time to share together about our feelings of disappointment, and to come to a place of peace and comfort.
It was the late 90's. I was working from my home office, and just settling in for the morning. The memory of a past hurt kept coming to me, and I struggled to dismiss it. Haven't I already dealt with this, Lord? When will it go away? I felt the Lord drawing me back to prayer. I was quite unwilling to look at this experience again, but the urging I felt to come back to prayer was strong and persistent. With a mixture of unwillingness, impatience and obedience, I set aside my work, my notes, my agenda, and I said out loud All right, Lord! As I sat there, the memory of that experience came flooding back to me, and with it came a surge of feelings - hurt and rejection that I had pushed down deep inside of me so long ago. I felt the Lord asking me to give it all to him, and I did, the memory and the pain, with tears flowing freely down my face. Then, though my eyes were closed, I saw and felt a warm light coming down through the top of my head, and filling me with warmth and light; I knew I was being healed of this memory. I sat there quietly, fully aware of love and peace and warmth and light. And as I sat there, I heard in my heart a voice that said, Now when you remember, it will be different. And it is. Now when I remember, there is no pain - it dissipates - and I only feel love and wonder and peace and joy.
Now, one may ask:
Does God really care if my kitchen floods?
Can God really help me in my work life?
Will He really heal me of the wounds in my heart?
And I have learned that the answer is, yes, yes, and yes.
Where do these thoughts, feelings, desires, and inner nudges come from? How do we recognize the good, the not-so-good, the bad? How can we learn to discern: what to accept; what to reject?
Through Ignatius of Loyola, God has given us an incredible gift, Rules for Discernment of Spirits.
Take some time to look at the videos found on the links below.
Pick up a book by Father Timothy Gallagher.
Best of all, contact an Ignatian Spirituality Centre and ask to be matched with a Spiritual Director. We are a very accommodating lot. My Spiritual Director meets with me in my home, and I meet with my directees in an office in my home. I know of one Spiritual Director who meets with a directee in prison, another who meets with her directees on their lunch break at work, another who uses email, another who skypes, and many more who meet at Spirituality Centres. It doesn't matter what your schedule is or where you live. The possibilities are endless.
And what exactly are these Rules for Discernment of Spirits of Saint Ignatius?? They are quite simply guides for living a discerning life...
One of my directees put it quite succinctly:
"God lets me have the experience of a Rule in my life. Then when I read it, I understand it, because I have lived it."
Amazing.
It is not every spirit, my dear people, that you can trust;
test them, to see if they come from God.
1John 4:1
Intro to Ignatian Life
Fr. Timothy Gallagher talks about how to discern the spirits by being aware, by understanding, and by taking action. Select View all related episodes to learn about each of the 14 Rules of Discernment of Spirits.
Books by Fr. Timothy Gallagher
One day in the late 80's I was standing beside my desk with a customer services officer who needed my help with a client. The bank was full of customers. Suddenly a rush of urgency came over me, and the thought: Quick. Check the Tellers. I left the surprised woman in the middle of her sentence, and quickly crossed over to the glass-enclosed area where the Tellers worked. I had recently begun to do spot checks of their cash drawers, in an effort to encourage them to be more vigilant of their cash drawer limits. "But we never get robbed," they would moan when I spoke of their responsibility in this area of their work. They were surprised to see me again, as I had just completed one of my "surprise" spot checks. One by one I checked their cash drawers: they had all taken in cash, and were all over the limit. The excess cash was quickly bundled and "dropped" into hidden vaults. I exited the "cage", and went to the customer services officer whom I had left standing at my desk. She was custodian of a portable cash unit that was rolled out when the branch was busy. "O non, Penny, pas maintenant," she said to me as I quietly asked her to show me the contents of her cash drawer. She also was well over the limit. As this last bundle of excess cash was "dropped" by the Head Teller in the cage, we heard a man shouting: We were being robbed. It was the first time the branch had been robbed, and thankfully he didn't get much. I felt a deep sense of peace inside as I did all that needed to be done in a calm and orderly manner - locking the branch, calling the police, assisting the staff, speaking with detectives, reporting, etc. I had been praying and asking the Lord to bless me in my work life, and as I worked that day, I knew with certainty that He had helped me in a very special way.
In the mid 90's I worked for a Christian NGO. An opportunity arose for staff members to work for a few weeks overseas, to give overseas staff some vacation time. I thought: God has blessed me with so much in my life; I can do this. I spoke with my husband, who is always supportive of me. Jack mentioned that he wasn't sure I had the physical strength for such work, but that it was my decision. I had suffered a herniated disk several years earlier, but with no surgery, had recuperated quite well. I applied, had my interview, and was asked if I would be interested in leading the team. Our destination would be in a remote area of the Philippines or Haiti. My family was also concerned for my health. Meanwhile, my enthusiasm was waning, and I was feeling confused and uncertain. One day I biked with Jack to visit my sister Nancy, who again expressed her concern. Feeling sad, and a little defiant, I said to her, "I am praying about this, you know" She gently but firmly took hold of my shoulders, looked closely into my eyes, and said, "Yes. And the Lord is answering you. Through your family, who loves you, and are worried about you." I was quite taken aback. We hugged our goodbyes, and as Jack and I rode away I said to him, "but God has blessed me with so much...." "Yes, He has," Jack said, "but do you think God would want you to risk your health to pay him back." And my eyes opened a little. When I was back in the office, I contacted the department, apologized, and said that I had reconsidered my decision to go overseas. I felt quite disappointed, like a child, and I realized that this was something that I had desired for myself, and not a direction that God had called me in. Later that day, I met another woman in the office who had also applied to go overseas, but whose application had not been accepted. She too was quite disappointed. We took time to share together about our feelings of disappointment, and to come to a place of peace and comfort.
It was the late 90's. I was working from my home office, and just settling in for the morning. The memory of a past hurt kept coming to me, and I struggled to dismiss it. Haven't I already dealt with this, Lord? When will it go away? I felt the Lord drawing me back to prayer. I was quite unwilling to look at this experience again, but the urging I felt to come back to prayer was strong and persistent. With a mixture of unwillingness, impatience and obedience, I set aside my work, my notes, my agenda, and I said out loud All right, Lord! As I sat there, the memory of that experience came flooding back to me, and with it came a surge of feelings - hurt and rejection that I had pushed down deep inside of me so long ago. I felt the Lord asking me to give it all to him, and I did, the memory and the pain, with tears flowing freely down my face. Then, though my eyes were closed, I saw and felt a warm light coming down through the top of my head, and filling me with warmth and light; I knew I was being healed of this memory. I sat there quietly, fully aware of love and peace and warmth and light. And as I sat there, I heard in my heart a voice that said, Now when you remember, it will be different. And it is. Now when I remember, there is no pain - it dissipates - and I only feel love and wonder and peace and joy.
Now, one may ask:
Does God really care if my kitchen floods?
Can God really help me in my work life?
Will He really heal me of the wounds in my heart?
And I have learned that the answer is, yes, yes, and yes.
Where do these thoughts, feelings, desires, and inner nudges come from? How do we recognize the good, the not-so-good, the bad? How can we learn to discern: what to accept; what to reject?
Through Ignatius of Loyola, God has given us an incredible gift, Rules for Discernment of Spirits.
Take some time to look at the videos found on the links below.
Pick up a book by Father Timothy Gallagher.
Best of all, contact an Ignatian Spirituality Centre and ask to be matched with a Spiritual Director. We are a very accommodating lot. My Spiritual Director meets with me in my home, and I meet with my directees in an office in my home. I know of one Spiritual Director who meets with a directee in prison, another who meets with her directees on their lunch break at work, another who uses email, another who skypes, and many more who meet at Spirituality Centres. It doesn't matter what your schedule is or where you live. The possibilities are endless.
And what exactly are these Rules for Discernment of Spirits of Saint Ignatius?? They are quite simply guides for living a discerning life...
One of my directees put it quite succinctly:
"God lets me have the experience of a Rule in my life. Then when I read it, I understand it, because I have lived it."
Amazing.
It is not every spirit, my dear people, that you can trust;
test them, to see if they come from God.
1John 4:1
Intro to Ignatian Life
Fr. Timothy Gallagher talks about how to discern the spirits by being aware, by understanding, and by taking action. Select View all related episodes to learn about each of the 14 Rules of Discernment of Spirits.
Books by Fr. Timothy Gallagher
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