July 23, 2012
John 6:1-15 The Miracle of the loaves
"He himself knew exactly what he was going to do." John 6:7
This morning as I read the Scripture for Sunday, these words stood out for me:
'He himself knew exactly what he was going to do.'
And this is the Lord: He does know exactly what He is going to do concerning all the concerns I bring before Him.
As He extended His hand and invited me into the Scripture, I saw large fields and a sea of people.
I saw how some were occupied with their families and needs, and so did not seem to be aware of the miracle that was taking place, the multiplication of the loaves, the baskets never emptying - yet Jesus provided for them.
Jesus showed me a mother holding her child to her and looking at the same time at what Jesus was doing, showing me how I should be.
I saw others who were aware that it was not possible for the basket to still be full after feeding so many.
I can be so occupied with my concerns, and not be aware, of how much the Lord is working in my life, and in the lives of those around me.
Help me Lord.
Open my eyes.
Let me see your good work,
that I may praise my Father in heaven.
I feel a Peace and a Joy within me.
Thank You Lord.
Orientations for Spiritual Growth, Gospel Contemplation - a fuller explanation
the WORD among us Daily Mass Reading & Meditation
Chaplet of Saint Ignatius
If you knew the treasure of God, in sitting in silence with His Word, you would never speak again...received in prayer on January 25, 2012
Friday, 27 July 2012
Friday, 20 July 2012
What is Meditation?
February 3, 2012
"Jesus was filled with fear and great distress." Mark 14:33
"And a sudden fear came over him and great distress." Mark 14:33
As I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries, I saw that Jesus was always under the eyes of God in his suffering.
The Father saw all of his suffering.
'Just as I watched over My Son in his suffering,
so too I watch over you
in your suffering,
and I will lift you up.'
I saw that, as I carried the prayers for (my family member) in my heart, the Lord watched over me.
As she is going through this, the Lord is watching over her.
Thank you Lord.
And then as a confirmation I read and saw this Scripture in a new way:
"Jesus was filled with fear and great distress." Mark 14:33 (Liturgy of the Hours)
The Father watched over His Son in his distress, just as He watches over me in my distress.
I cried at this and prayed my Rosary with uplifted hands.
Truly I am not alone in my suffering.
Truly God is with us.
'Dieu se fait proche de nous' is the reflection and prayer for the month of February in Prions en église.
Thank you Lord, for this very clear message that You are near.
February 6, 2012
Grace prayed for: Power to Rejoice in my union with God
Theme: God Gives Himself to me
Reading: Psalm 145
Again the hymn comes to me, and I stay with it: Gift of Finest Wheat
'You satisfy the hungry heart
With gift of finest wheat
Come give to us, O saving Lord
The bread of life to eat.'
As the words come to me in this refrain, my heart is filled with such love it is almost unbearable, to bring me to tears.
And as I look in my hymnal and sing the words in my heart, I am filled to unbearable with love for the Lord.
And the Lord says to me:
'It is only through My Word and My Body
that you can truly rejoice in
your union with me.
For man alone in the flesh
this is not possible.'
Jesuits in English Canada, Meditation
The Holy Rosary in Sacred Scripture
"Jesus was filled with fear and great distress." Mark 14:33
"And a sudden fear came over him and great distress." Mark 14:33
As I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries, I saw that Jesus was always under the eyes of God in his suffering.
The Father saw all of his suffering.
'Just as I watched over My Son in his suffering,
so too I watch over you
in your suffering,
and I will lift you up.'
I saw that, as I carried the prayers for (my family member) in my heart, the Lord watched over me.
As she is going through this, the Lord is watching over her.
Thank you Lord.
And then as a confirmation I read and saw this Scripture in a new way:
"Jesus was filled with fear and great distress." Mark 14:33 (Liturgy of the Hours)
The Father watched over His Son in his distress, just as He watches over me in my distress.
I cried at this and prayed my Rosary with uplifted hands.
Truly I am not alone in my suffering.
Truly God is with us.
'Dieu se fait proche de nous' is the reflection and prayer for the month of February in Prions en église.
Thank you Lord, for this very clear message that You are near.
February 6, 2012
Grace prayed for: Power to Rejoice in my union with God
Theme: God Gives Himself to me
Reading: Psalm 145
Again the hymn comes to me, and I stay with it: Gift of Finest Wheat
'You satisfy the hungry heart
With gift of finest wheat
Come give to us, O saving Lord
The bread of life to eat.'
As the words come to me in this refrain, my heart is filled with such love it is almost unbearable, to bring me to tears.
And as I look in my hymnal and sing the words in my heart, I am filled to unbearable with love for the Lord.
And the Lord says to me:
'It is only through My Word and My Body
that you can truly rejoice in
your union with me.
For man alone in the flesh
this is not possible.'
Jesuits in English Canada, Meditation
The Holy Rosary in Sacred Scripture
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Daily Life - Come back to this post for more...
Journal entries
March 3, 2012
'This is the unitive way' the Lord said to me, I unite my sufferings to his in prayer for others. This is what Jesus did: his suffering and death was for me. My offering up of prayers in my time of suffering for healing of others, is the unitive way.
October 26, 2011
1John 2:15-17 I felt great hope as I read this. And the Lord said to me:
'Your temptation shall be in the banal.' I looked up the word and it means: commonplace, trite, trivial. And I can see this is true, television, a conversation on the telephone.
October 31, 2011
'Two generations coming against each other: one wants to go forward; the other wants to return to the past.' Wisdom for parents, children, caregivers...
November 21, 2011
The Lord said to me that I should be aware of His Presence, He is always with me.
'Be aware of My Presence; I am always with you.'
I had such Peace.
December 12, 2011
The Lord said to me that this is the sign that no matter what the situation, I am never alone: He has put Jack in my life and me in Jack's life. This is the Lord's sign to the world that we are never alone. This is the Lord's sign to the world in marriage, that we are never alone.
December 24, 2011
Luke 2:1-14 What came to me as I contemplated was that Mary and Joseph's journey was long and hard.
'In this life you will have trouble, but do not fear, I am with you through it all.'
'In this world you will have troubles, but here I am in the midst of it all.'
'I am with you and will never abandon you. Trust in Me, My child. Trust in Me.'
December 30, 2011
As I prayed the Rosary, this happened at the Fourth Sorrowful Mystery, The Carrying of the Cross.
I am praying for the Grace of a deeper trust in God, and God is showing me a little of who He is that I want to trust in: He feels the burden of my pain; He carries it in His Own Heart; He suffers with me.
He Whom I desire to have a deeper trust in, knows and feels my pain, and carries it in His Own Heart.
'Through your life, you know a little of what my Son felt.'
January 4, 2012
'As much as is your desire to do good things for your children, much more is My desire to do good things for you.'
I am praying for a deeper trust in God, and God is giving me a deeper understanding of Who He is.
January 4, 2012
Contemplation of Matthew 2:1-12
'My Son came into a world of conniving and deceit.'
This is how it is in our faith walk - even in the midst of conniving and deceit - He guides our path, fills us with Joy, blesses us with all we need, and protects us from harm, always providing a way out from under our difficulties.
January 7, 2012
The Lord (then) said to me: 'fear of intimacy.'
'You have been avoiding me in prayer.'
And he said to me that I have a fear of intimacy.
'Your experience of intimacy is that it comes with many demands. This is the human way. But it is not this way with me. My way is Freedom.'
And the Lord brought to mind past relationships and responsibilities. I sat as I realized I was receiving a healing, and I felt a warmth and Presence in my heart.
January 7, 2012
'The perceived demands that come with intimacy with Jesus seem too overwhelming.'
'The human way comes with many demands.'
'This is your experience.'
'But it is not this way with Me.'
'I bring freedom.'
I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.'
January 19, 2012
The Magnificat, Luke 1:46-55
All generations will call me blessed. Verse 48b
'What you have given your children will be carried forward in their lives
and in the lives of those they love,
because what you have given them is from Me.'
Holy is His Name. Verse 49b
'Your desires bring distraction,
My desires bring Love and Peace.'
January 25, 2012
Liturgy of the Hours - At the close of the Office of Reading, I read:
"When we listen to your word,
our minds are filled with light.
- It is the lowly heart that understands."
Then the Lord said to me:
'If you knew the treasure of God, in sitting in silence with His Word,
You would never speak again.'
March 3, 2012
'This is the unitive way' the Lord said to me, I unite my sufferings to his in prayer for others. This is what Jesus did: his suffering and death was for me. My offering up of prayers in my time of suffering for healing of others, is the unitive way.
October 26, 2011
1John 2:15-17 I felt great hope as I read this. And the Lord said to me:
'Your temptation shall be in the banal.' I looked up the word and it means: commonplace, trite, trivial. And I can see this is true, television, a conversation on the telephone.
October 31, 2011
'Two generations coming against each other: one wants to go forward; the other wants to return to the past.' Wisdom for parents, children, caregivers...
November 21, 2011
The Lord said to me that I should be aware of His Presence, He is always with me.
'Be aware of My Presence; I am always with you.'
I had such Peace.
December 12, 2011
The Lord said to me that this is the sign that no matter what the situation, I am never alone: He has put Jack in my life and me in Jack's life. This is the Lord's sign to the world that we are never alone. This is the Lord's sign to the world in marriage, that we are never alone.
December 24, 2011
Luke 2:1-14 What came to me as I contemplated was that Mary and Joseph's journey was long and hard.
'In this life you will have trouble, but do not fear, I am with you through it all.'
'In this world you will have troubles, but here I am in the midst of it all.'
'I am with you and will never abandon you. Trust in Me, My child. Trust in Me.'
December 30, 2011
As I prayed the Rosary, this happened at the Fourth Sorrowful Mystery, The Carrying of the Cross.
I am praying for the Grace of a deeper trust in God, and God is showing me a little of who He is that I want to trust in: He feels the burden of my pain; He carries it in His Own Heart; He suffers with me.
He Whom I desire to have a deeper trust in, knows and feels my pain, and carries it in His Own Heart.
'Through your life, you know a little of what my Son felt.'
January 4, 2012
'As much as is your desire to do good things for your children, much more is My desire to do good things for you.'
I am praying for a deeper trust in God, and God is giving me a deeper understanding of Who He is.
January 4, 2012
Contemplation of Matthew 2:1-12
'My Son came into a world of conniving and deceit.'
This is how it is in our faith walk - even in the midst of conniving and deceit - He guides our path, fills us with Joy, blesses us with all we need, and protects us from harm, always providing a way out from under our difficulties.
January 7, 2012
The Lord (then) said to me: 'fear of intimacy.'
'You have been avoiding me in prayer.'
And he said to me that I have a fear of intimacy.
'Your experience of intimacy is that it comes with many demands. This is the human way. But it is not this way with me. My way is Freedom.'
And the Lord brought to mind past relationships and responsibilities. I sat as I realized I was receiving a healing, and I felt a warmth and Presence in my heart.
January 7, 2012
'The perceived demands that come with intimacy with Jesus seem too overwhelming.'
'The human way comes with many demands.'
'This is your experience.'
'But it is not this way with Me.'
'I bring freedom.'
I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.'
January 19, 2012
The Magnificat, Luke 1:46-55
All generations will call me blessed. Verse 48b
'What you have given your children will be carried forward in their lives
and in the lives of those they love,
because what you have given them is from Me.'
Holy is His Name. Verse 49b
'Your desires bring distraction,
My desires bring Love and Peace.'
January 25, 2012
Liturgy of the Hours - At the close of the Office of Reading, I read:
"When we listen to your word,
our minds are filled with light.
- It is the lowly heart that understands."
Then the Lord said to me:
'If you knew the treasure of God, in sitting in silence with His Word,
You would never speak again.'
Thursday, 28 June 2012
What is the Unitive Way?
Journal entry
March 3, 2012
I fell the Lord saying to me to trust in him.
Trust in me my child. I will heal you of this infirmity.
I am still suffering with pain in my lower back. When I wake it is quite painful. It is hard to find a comfortable way to lie down, I am still on my back with a pillow under my knees, to prevent me from rolling around, and to lift the pressure from my lower back. I felt a pain down my leg when I tried to shift this morning.
I was up early, couldn't sleep, so went to lie down reclined again in the chair in the office. And I did sleep, although fitfully at times.
I do have a great fear, that I will have a herniated disk in the lower back, and I prayed to give this to the Lord.
At one point, I was filled with great joy and the thought came to me that the injury was muscular and would heal. How joyful I felt!
I found a position sitting as I prayed that was quite comfortable, and I thought I could stay like this and keep praying for a very long time.
My prayer at one point was for those I pray for, and it was then that the Lord said to me that he was pleased because I had prayed for others and not for myself.
Earlier the Lord had said to me that it was in prayer that he would heal me. And yet I had prayed for others with no thought to myself. It was then that the Lord said to me that he was pleased with me.
There are so many on our telephone prayer chain who need help and healing.
I thanked the Lord for rescuing me from the threat of a herniated disk.
During the day, my pain is little. Thank you Lord. I think it is the fear that is the worst.
Examen Prayer
I saw how I felt sad...I thought of how I was and how I may have to sleep in both rooms, beginning in our bed, and then here alone in the office, if I woke with pain. And I thought of a young man at Church and his wife, and I wondered if he suffered physically from pain. And I prayed for him and for his wife. I prayed for his healing, that he would be restored to full health and strength, this young man, and for healing for his wife as well.
And the Lord then spoke to me and reminded me of the words he spoke to me when I asked for Wisdom as in James 1:5 for healing for my back. He had said to me that I should 'trust in the process' - and I saw how Jesus had entered into a human body with its restrictions of time and space, I saw his suffering and his carrying the Cross.
And I asked the Lord to teach me as I was being healed.
The Lord reminded me of this and showed me that now in my sickness I was praying for others. And I now see that this is an answer to my prayer: that I had offered up my pain and suffering, that the Lord would use it as he sees fit for his own purpose.
'This is the unitive way' he said to me, I unite my sufferings to his in prayer for others.
This is what Jesus did: his suffering and death was for me.
My offering up of prayers in my time of suffering for healing for others, is the unitive way.
Thank you Lord.
And I cried tears of consolation and love. How blessed am I. Thank you Lord.
Amen.
I have asked the Lord today
to teach me through this suffering.
and I offered it up again,
that he may use it however he likes,
if he would do so.
If there is anyone of you who needs wisdom,
he must ask God,
who gives to all freely and ungrudgingly;
it will be given to him.
James 1:5
Understanding the spiritual journey: from the classical tradition to the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius, by Jean-Marc Laporte, S.J.
March 3, 2012
I fell the Lord saying to me to trust in him.
Trust in me my child. I will heal you of this infirmity.
I am still suffering with pain in my lower back. When I wake it is quite painful. It is hard to find a comfortable way to lie down, I am still on my back with a pillow under my knees, to prevent me from rolling around, and to lift the pressure from my lower back. I felt a pain down my leg when I tried to shift this morning.
I was up early, couldn't sleep, so went to lie down reclined again in the chair in the office. And I did sleep, although fitfully at times.
I do have a great fear, that I will have a herniated disk in the lower back, and I prayed to give this to the Lord.
At one point, I was filled with great joy and the thought came to me that the injury was muscular and would heal. How joyful I felt!
I found a position sitting as I prayed that was quite comfortable, and I thought I could stay like this and keep praying for a very long time.
My prayer at one point was for those I pray for, and it was then that the Lord said to me that he was pleased because I had prayed for others and not for myself.
Earlier the Lord had said to me that it was in prayer that he would heal me. And yet I had prayed for others with no thought to myself. It was then that the Lord said to me that he was pleased with me.
There are so many on our telephone prayer chain who need help and healing.
I thanked the Lord for rescuing me from the threat of a herniated disk.
During the day, my pain is little. Thank you Lord. I think it is the fear that is the worst.
Examen Prayer
I saw how I felt sad...I thought of how I was and how I may have to sleep in both rooms, beginning in our bed, and then here alone in the office, if I woke with pain. And I thought of a young man at Church and his wife, and I wondered if he suffered physically from pain. And I prayed for him and for his wife. I prayed for his healing, that he would be restored to full health and strength, this young man, and for healing for his wife as well.
And the Lord then spoke to me and reminded me of the words he spoke to me when I asked for Wisdom as in James 1:5 for healing for my back. He had said to me that I should 'trust in the process' - and I saw how Jesus had entered into a human body with its restrictions of time and space, I saw his suffering and his carrying the Cross.
And I asked the Lord to teach me as I was being healed.
The Lord reminded me of this and showed me that now in my sickness I was praying for others. And I now see that this is an answer to my prayer: that I had offered up my pain and suffering, that the Lord would use it as he sees fit for his own purpose.
'This is the unitive way' he said to me, I unite my sufferings to his in prayer for others.
This is what Jesus did: his suffering and death was for me.
My offering up of prayers in my time of suffering for healing for others, is the unitive way.
Thank you Lord.
And I cried tears of consolation and love. How blessed am I. Thank you Lord.
Amen.
I have asked the Lord today
to teach me through this suffering.
and I offered it up again,
that he may use it however he likes,
if he would do so.
If there is anyone of you who needs wisdom,
he must ask God,
who gives to all freely and ungrudgingly;
it will be given to him.
James 1:5
Understanding the spiritual journey: from the classical tradition to the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius, by Jean-Marc Laporte, S.J.
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Finding God in All Things
Journal entry, November 10, 2010
Examen Prayer
Jack and I had gone for a walk in Bois-de-Liesse. It was a clear, beautiful, sunshiny day. As we walked, the path was quite muddy at times, and we had to side-step puddles of mud, but we (in general) did not slow our pace. Then at one point we saw a woodpecker, with his head bright and fiery red, and another on the tree trunk just next to him. We stayed there watching them. So beautiful and peaceful.
The Lord said to me:
'Life can be messy, but as you walk and work together, it is also a very beautiful thing.'
And I felt Him telling me that we must accept these times together as a gift from Him, and not take each other for granted. These times are moments of Grace that He has given us.
(I pray for the Grace to truly appreciate these times as gift from God)
I can see that there is a thread of meaning to these examens lately: Jack and I, and that our times together are a gift from God.
Hallelujah! Amen.
May 30, 2012
I have been carrying a heavy cross. Too heavy.
A few mornings earlier, I had the thought: Do I need to go to the Accreditation Ceremony on May 24th? When I shared this with Jack, he encouraged me, and said that after these five years of taking courses at the Ignatian Centre, I needed to be there. I felt disheartened, but I did not have the energy to resist. I got ready and off we went.
Jack was driving, and as he drove, I prayed to the Lord, offering this cross to Him, truly giving it into His hands, and telling him that I could not bear to carry it any longer. I was on the verge of tears.
As we drove through the ribboned highways that are the Turcot Interchange, I remember looking off into the distance at the weaving bands of elevated highway - and having the sense of a great distance between myself and this concern - a difficult situation that I had been praying over in agony for so long.
As I continued to give it all into His hands, this sense of "distance" stayed with me, and the Lord spoke to my heart. He said to me that this is how I am to pray into this situation: as for a family that is outside of myself. 'You are not to live this situation. You are to pray for this family, as outside of yourself, just as you pray for so many others.' I felt a great sense of Peace come over me, that has remained with me.
The following morning, this burden that would come to me the moment I woke, was no longer with me...I had to work to remember the details of it, and even then they wouldn't come...
I have received a beautiful Grace from the Lord: I offered my cross to Jesus, and He has lifted it from me, and is carrying it Himself.
Thanks be to God for His immeasurable Love!
Thanks be to God for my husband Jack!
The gentle mastery of Christ
"Come to me, all you who are weary and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder your yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls! Yes, my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Loyola Press, a Jesuit Ministry - Finding God in All Things
Examen Prayer
Jack and I had gone for a walk in Bois-de-Liesse. It was a clear, beautiful, sunshiny day. As we walked, the path was quite muddy at times, and we had to side-step puddles of mud, but we (in general) did not slow our pace. Then at one point we saw a woodpecker, with his head bright and fiery red, and another on the tree trunk just next to him. We stayed there watching them. So beautiful and peaceful.
The Lord said to me:
'Life can be messy, but as you walk and work together, it is also a very beautiful thing.'
And I felt Him telling me that we must accept these times together as a gift from Him, and not take each other for granted. These times are moments of Grace that He has given us.
(I pray for the Grace to truly appreciate these times as gift from God)
I can see that there is a thread of meaning to these examens lately: Jack and I, and that our times together are a gift from God.
Hallelujah! Amen.
May 30, 2012
I have been carrying a heavy cross. Too heavy.
A few mornings earlier, I had the thought: Do I need to go to the Accreditation Ceremony on May 24th? When I shared this with Jack, he encouraged me, and said that after these five years of taking courses at the Ignatian Centre, I needed to be there. I felt disheartened, but I did not have the energy to resist. I got ready and off we went.
Jack was driving, and as he drove, I prayed to the Lord, offering this cross to Him, truly giving it into His hands, and telling him that I could not bear to carry it any longer. I was on the verge of tears.
As we drove through the ribboned highways that are the Turcot Interchange, I remember looking off into the distance at the weaving bands of elevated highway - and having the sense of a great distance between myself and this concern - a difficult situation that I had been praying over in agony for so long.
As I continued to give it all into His hands, this sense of "distance" stayed with me, and the Lord spoke to my heart. He said to me that this is how I am to pray into this situation: as for a family that is outside of myself. 'You are not to live this situation. You are to pray for this family, as outside of yourself, just as you pray for so many others.' I felt a great sense of Peace come over me, that has remained with me.
The following morning, this burden that would come to me the moment I woke, was no longer with me...I had to work to remember the details of it, and even then they wouldn't come...
I have received a beautiful Grace from the Lord: I offered my cross to Jesus, and He has lifted it from me, and is carrying it Himself.
Thanks be to God for His immeasurable Love!
Thanks be to God for my husband Jack!
The gentle mastery of Christ
"Come to me, all you who are weary and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder your yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls! Yes, my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Loyola Press, a Jesuit Ministry - Finding God in All Things
The beauty of Bois-de-Liesse...
What can be the fruit of a Retreat?
At the Accreditation and Missioning Ceremony at Saint Ignatius of Loyola Parish, Thursday May 24, 2012, Reta Defosses, Director of the Ignatian Spirituality Centre of Montreal, counselled us to do three things:
Meet with a Spiritual Director; meet with a Supervisor; make an Annual Retreat.
What can be the fruit of a Retreat? is a question I will answer by taking you along with me, through my journal entries, on a Retreat I made a couple of years ago...
Retreat May 7, 2010
Friday evening, 8:15pm Zacchaeus Luke 19:5, 9
"Come down, for I must stay at your house...salvation has come to this house."
I felt touched, loved.
The Lord speaks about His coming to me and inviting me years ago, salvation coming to my house.
(He has my home, heart, life now)
Thank You, Lord.
Retreat May 8, 2010
Saturday morning, 9:25am
Why are you Afraid? Matthew 8:23-27, Jesus Stills the Storm
Jesus was asleep.
Again, very peaceful.
I felt the tiredness, but deep Peace of Him.
It was my tiredness.
Scriptures for weekend are mine:
"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
"Only in the Lord be at rest O my soul, for from him comes thy salvation."
(received as a young girl)
Book, Discovering Your Personal Vocation, by Herbert Alphonso.
(My life is prayer, prayer is my life)
(He has put this in place for me, what I said No to when I was young)
Retreat Saturday 11am
Mark 5:24-34
The Courage to tell Jesus everything
A woman Healed
I cried. I made my way through. It was loud, scary. I have been trying to tell them but couldn't, felt prevented.
I remembered when I was a young girl. I was on a retreat with my school, Holy Names.
I knew God was calling me to be a nun.
"Only in the Lord be at rest O my soul, for from him comes thy salvation."
on a (Holy) card.
Reality - heading back home. I cried. I talked to the Lord. I said No. And I remember how childish I felt about my response. I knew He was calling me and I knew I was saying No.
"I want to have boyfriends" I said.
For years I thought that what happened in my life was punishment, for a life lived apart from God's will.
(At 21, I entered into a marriage that I knew was wrong, forced; I suffered much abuse until my parents came to take me and my two young children home with them)
The only place I knew was good was when God put Jack in my life.
He knows this too.
Confession of a sin of long ago, forgiving myself (for saying No). Acknowledging that this was a call, and that I had said No, and, that God has redeemed my life, and provided a safe place for me.
"Daughter,
your faith has made you well.
Be healed of your dis-ease."
Amen.
Please dear Lord set me free,
Heal me and make me whole.
Call was denied. This is what comes to me as I pray for wisdom, how to see this through God's eyes. So much has transpired since that time, so much pain. Would the Lord heal this now? I had not ever acknowledged this denial as pain, but it seems to be a thread that has run through my life...rejection. Is this how God felt when I said No? Is this what God felt when I said No? But He has redeemed my life. and I am doing what He called me to do so many years ago. (healing ministry and other things come to me) I can freely choose. I know this.
'My life is Yours, do with me what you will' is my constant prayer.
Is the Lord bringing my heart into a right place?
Retreat Saturday 2pm
Spiritual Reading
The woman at Jesus' feet.
Luke 8:36:50
"Her sins, which were many, have been forgiven." v 47a
"hence she has shown great love." v 47b
I entered the scene (in the Scripture), and Jesus said to me that I have to let go of this one sin now. It has become a 'hook' for the enemy. I have to forgive myself.
What I heard was a story:
'There was a ship and many people wanted to get on the boat. Would you leave room for someone else if there was room for only one? That is what you did. What you could not do, another did. And I came looking for you, I came back for you.
Forgive yourself.
I have forgiven you.'
Lord please bless me with the Grace to forgive myself.
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Confession.
Retreat Saturday 5-6:15pm
(I went to see Father Gallagher)
Scripture Luke 4:16:21
I went to Confession. What a joy. It was hard to talk about, but easy at the same time. I spoke of when I was a young girl, the feeling I had in Church, and at the retreat, that I told no one. The decision and the conversation with God. I also shared about how my whole life changed, from innocence to horror.
I had been forgiven a lot, but I had never forgiven myself (for saying No to God).
The hymn that kept coming to me after was:
"Mercy is falling, is falling, is falling,
Mercy is falling like sweet spring rain..."
On praying with Scripture, this is what happened:
I entered the synagogue with the Lord.
He took me to His place. They gave Him the scroll and He passed it to me, and directed me to read. I read and then we sat down. The words, 'all eyes were on us' came to me. And then Jesus said 'This day this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.'
Thank You Lord.
Retreat Saturday evening 7pm
Jesus gives His Life
Luke 23:26-49
The part (of the Scripture) I stayed with was when the soldiers cast lots for His clothes. They were going for the temporal treasure and the Word of Life was before them. The new garment of life, that we receive at Baptism.
Foolish, and what loss to themselves.
Retreat Sunday 9:15am
Woman in Tears
John 20:1, 11-18
Mary Magdala
I entered (the Scripture) and Jesus asked me what I wanted, what I was looking for. He took me by the hand and led me out.
John 21:1-19
The Lord took my hand, invited me to come into the Scripture. This is what He has said a few times now.
We were on the shore. He asked me what I had. I had a few small fishes and we cooked them. I saw the disciples fishing in their boat.
He said to me a few times:
'Out of your poverty, you have given much.'
Thank You Lord.
And we are pleased. I am pleased seeing the disciples fishing.
I stand hand in hand on the shore as He calls to them.
Then again we are alone and He is speaking of the few fishes.
'Out of your poverty
you have given much.'
What can I say before this?
What can I say?
(Following the Retreat)
May 10, 2010 I have come full circle.
Main message received from the Conference: Beyond Expectations
Up to the age of 16, I had a deep love for spiritual things, I loved learning about religion in school, I think it was my favourite class. I loved going to the Church on Fridays, walking there with the class, and going to confession, then doing the Stations of the Cross.
I went on a retreat with my high school class and during that weekend, it became clear that the Lord was calling me to be a nun. I was happy about this. However, when it was time to go, waiting for the bus, it was like I was crossing a threshold back to the world and I spoke to the Lord, saying, "I know that you are calling me to be a Sister, but I'm sorry, I'm going to say No. I want boyfriends." I remember feeling very sad and knowing clearly I was saying No to Him, and feeling very childish and selfish in my choice. I remember telling Him I was sorry.
(A few years ago, my mom said that I had come home and said that I might want to be a nun; everyone thought this was amusing, and didn't take it seriously; I don't remember this)
Years later the Lord is showing me that He has redeemed my life. He blessed me with two beautiful children, and in His Grace, blessed me with a wonderful husband.
He has shown me that all that I am feeling called to do today, is what He would have called me to do as a nun: the healing ministry, Legion of Mary, Spiritual Direction, etc.
He has redeemed my life.
Even though I said No, He has put things in place for me. He has put Jack in my life. He blessed me with my children.
Thank you Lord.
Song, Mercy is Falling - Album, Hello Kids
Meet with a Spiritual Director; meet with a Supervisor; make an Annual Retreat.
What can be the fruit of a Retreat? is a question I will answer by taking you along with me, through my journal entries, on a Retreat I made a couple of years ago...
BEYOND EXPECTATIONS
Ignatian Prayer Retreat
Conducted by
Father Timothy M. Gallagher OMV
Manoir D'Youville, Châteauguay
May 7-9th, 2010
Retreat May 7, 2010
Friday evening, 8:15pm Zacchaeus Luke 19:5, 9
"Come down, for I must stay at your house...salvation has come to this house."
I felt touched, loved.
The Lord speaks about His coming to me and inviting me years ago, salvation coming to my house.
(He has my home, heart, life now)
Thank You, Lord.
Retreat May 8, 2010
Saturday morning, 9:25am
Why are you Afraid? Matthew 8:23-27, Jesus Stills the Storm
Jesus was asleep.
Again, very peaceful.
I felt the tiredness, but deep Peace of Him.
It was my tiredness.
Scriptures for weekend are mine:
"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
"Only in the Lord be at rest O my soul, for from him comes thy salvation."
(received as a young girl)
Book, Discovering Your Personal Vocation, by Herbert Alphonso.
(My life is prayer, prayer is my life)
(He has put this in place for me, what I said No to when I was young)
Retreat Saturday 11am
Mark 5:24-34
The Courage to tell Jesus everything
A woman Healed
I cried. I made my way through. It was loud, scary. I have been trying to tell them but couldn't, felt prevented.
I remembered when I was a young girl. I was on a retreat with my school, Holy Names.
I knew God was calling me to be a nun.
"Only in the Lord be at rest O my soul, for from him comes thy salvation."
on a (Holy) card.
Reality - heading back home. I cried. I talked to the Lord. I said No. And I remember how childish I felt about my response. I knew He was calling me and I knew I was saying No.
"I want to have boyfriends" I said.
For years I thought that what happened in my life was punishment, for a life lived apart from God's will.
(At 21, I entered into a marriage that I knew was wrong, forced; I suffered much abuse until my parents came to take me and my two young children home with them)
The only place I knew was good was when God put Jack in my life.
He knows this too.
Confession of a sin of long ago, forgiving myself (for saying No). Acknowledging that this was a call, and that I had said No, and, that God has redeemed my life, and provided a safe place for me.
"Daughter,
your faith has made you well.
Be healed of your dis-ease."
Amen.
Please dear Lord set me free,
Heal me and make me whole.
Call was denied. This is what comes to me as I pray for wisdom, how to see this through God's eyes. So much has transpired since that time, so much pain. Would the Lord heal this now? I had not ever acknowledged this denial as pain, but it seems to be a thread that has run through my life...rejection. Is this how God felt when I said No? Is this what God felt when I said No? But He has redeemed my life. and I am doing what He called me to do so many years ago. (healing ministry and other things come to me) I can freely choose. I know this.
'My life is Yours, do with me what you will' is my constant prayer.
Is the Lord bringing my heart into a right place?
Retreat Saturday 2pm
Spiritual Reading
The woman at Jesus' feet.
Luke 8:36:50
"Her sins, which were many, have been forgiven." v 47a
"hence she has shown great love." v 47b
I entered the scene (in the Scripture), and Jesus said to me that I have to let go of this one sin now. It has become a 'hook' for the enemy. I have to forgive myself.
What I heard was a story:
'There was a ship and many people wanted to get on the boat. Would you leave room for someone else if there was room for only one? That is what you did. What you could not do, another did. And I came looking for you, I came back for you.
Forgive yourself.
I have forgiven you.'
Lord please bless me with the Grace to forgive myself.
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Confession.
Retreat Saturday 5-6:15pm
(I went to see Father Gallagher)
Scripture Luke 4:16:21
I went to Confession. What a joy. It was hard to talk about, but easy at the same time. I spoke of when I was a young girl, the feeling I had in Church, and at the retreat, that I told no one. The decision and the conversation with God. I also shared about how my whole life changed, from innocence to horror.
I had been forgiven a lot, but I had never forgiven myself (for saying No to God).
The hymn that kept coming to me after was:
"Mercy is falling, is falling, is falling,
Mercy is falling like sweet spring rain..."
On praying with Scripture, this is what happened:
I entered the synagogue with the Lord.
He took me to His place. They gave Him the scroll and He passed it to me, and directed me to read. I read and then we sat down. The words, 'all eyes were on us' came to me. And then Jesus said 'This day this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.'
Thank You Lord.
Retreat Saturday evening 7pm
Jesus gives His Life
Luke 23:26-49
The part (of the Scripture) I stayed with was when the soldiers cast lots for His clothes. They were going for the temporal treasure and the Word of Life was before them. The new garment of life, that we receive at Baptism.
Foolish, and what loss to themselves.
Retreat Sunday 9:15am
Woman in Tears
John 20:1, 11-18
Mary Magdala
I entered (the Scripture) and Jesus asked me what I wanted, what I was looking for. He took me by the hand and led me out.
John 21:1-19
The Lord took my hand, invited me to come into the Scripture. This is what He has said a few times now.
We were on the shore. He asked me what I had. I had a few small fishes and we cooked them. I saw the disciples fishing in their boat.
He said to me a few times:
'Out of your poverty, you have given much.'
Thank You Lord.
And we are pleased. I am pleased seeing the disciples fishing.
I stand hand in hand on the shore as He calls to them.
Then again we are alone and He is speaking of the few fishes.
'Out of your poverty
you have given much.'
What can I say before this?
What can I say?
(Following the Retreat)
May 10, 2010 I have come full circle.
Main message received from the Conference: Beyond Expectations
Up to the age of 16, I had a deep love for spiritual things, I loved learning about religion in school, I think it was my favourite class. I loved going to the Church on Fridays, walking there with the class, and going to confession, then doing the Stations of the Cross.
I went on a retreat with my high school class and during that weekend, it became clear that the Lord was calling me to be a nun. I was happy about this. However, when it was time to go, waiting for the bus, it was like I was crossing a threshold back to the world and I spoke to the Lord, saying, "I know that you are calling me to be a Sister, but I'm sorry, I'm going to say No. I want boyfriends." I remember feeling very sad and knowing clearly I was saying No to Him, and feeling very childish and selfish in my choice. I remember telling Him I was sorry.
(A few years ago, my mom said that I had come home and said that I might want to be a nun; everyone thought this was amusing, and didn't take it seriously; I don't remember this)
Years later the Lord is showing me that He has redeemed my life. He blessed me with two beautiful children, and in His Grace, blessed me with a wonderful husband.
He has shown me that all that I am feeling called to do today, is what He would have called me to do as a nun: the healing ministry, Legion of Mary, Spiritual Direction, etc.
He has redeemed my life.
Even though I said No, He has put things in place for me. He has put Jack in my life. He blessed me with my children.
Thank you Lord.
Song, Mercy is Falling - Album, Hello Kids
Photo taken of me at the Crowning of Mary...
Wednesday, 25 April 2012
What is Spiritual Desolation?
March 26, 2012 (journal entry of my examen prayer)
It is Sunday, a day of rest I thought. I had the thought to read spiritual things today, and to rest.
After praying the Rosary (together with Jack), we went upstairs to read. I took out my work from my course on Spiritual Direction. I finished an article on discernment, and started to look back at my notes. I became distracted and felt tired, sleepy even. I went back to bed (we had woken up at 5:30am). I slept for almost 2 hours. When I woke, Jack was preparing brunch for us. My tea was ready, and I sat in front of the television watching the end of an action movie. After lunch there was only 5 minutes left (of the movie) and again I went upstairs. I had in mind to finish reading a book about Brother André. I was at the part on virtues and found it uplifting, but I had put it aside. I spent a little time in prayer. Then I thought I should prepare supper, so that it would be ready when we came home from evening Mass. I returned downstairs and turned on the television. A comedy was coming on, I could cook and watch it at the same time.
It wasn't a "bad" movie, a little distasteful at times, but not a "bad" movie really. I again became distracted and felt unhappy and dissatisfied.
While the chili simmered, we took our showers; then as I dried off I again felt sad, but this time to the point of tears. What is happening to me Lord? Am I too stressed? Is this a burnout? I heard the words
'I know what is best for you'
and
'Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.'
I then had the thought of choosing the better thing, and how I had woken with this thought in mind, to do spiritual reading.
As I began my examen, I felt no sense of God's love with me, could not feel His Presence. I stretched to find a place He had blessed me in that day. There were many, but I felt no joy at the thought of them. As I looked back on my day, I saw how I had chosen a movie, not the best movie really, over reading a good book about a good man. I saw how when I felt I should rest at times, I would plop down in front of the television and watch whatever, sitting there with my knitting. I saw how I did not choose the better thing today, and how I was left feeling dry, dissatisfied, unhappy to the point of tears. As I spoke to the Lord about this, saying that I was sorry that I had not chosen the 'better' thing, and asking him to help me, to bless me with the grace to choose the better thing tomorrow, I felt my Peace return, and a quiet Joy in my heart.
Thank you, Lord Jesus. Amen.
O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.
Amen. by St. Ignatius of Loyola
Ignatian Spirituality.Com, Introduction to Discernment of Spirits
http://ignatianspirituality.com/making-good-decisions/discernment-of-spirits/introduction-to-discernment-of-spirits/
Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius 313 through 336
Guidelines for Discerning Different Movements; Guidelines for a More Subtle Discernment of Spirits
http://www.nwjesuits.org/JesuitSpirituality/Exercises/SpEx313_336.html
It is Sunday, a day of rest I thought. I had the thought to read spiritual things today, and to rest.
After praying the Rosary (together with Jack), we went upstairs to read. I took out my work from my course on Spiritual Direction. I finished an article on discernment, and started to look back at my notes. I became distracted and felt tired, sleepy even. I went back to bed (we had woken up at 5:30am). I slept for almost 2 hours. When I woke, Jack was preparing brunch for us. My tea was ready, and I sat in front of the television watching the end of an action movie. After lunch there was only 5 minutes left (of the movie) and again I went upstairs. I had in mind to finish reading a book about Brother André. I was at the part on virtues and found it uplifting, but I had put it aside. I spent a little time in prayer. Then I thought I should prepare supper, so that it would be ready when we came home from evening Mass. I returned downstairs and turned on the television. A comedy was coming on, I could cook and watch it at the same time.
It wasn't a "bad" movie, a little distasteful at times, but not a "bad" movie really. I again became distracted and felt unhappy and dissatisfied.
While the chili simmered, we took our showers; then as I dried off I again felt sad, but this time to the point of tears. What is happening to me Lord? Am I too stressed? Is this a burnout? I heard the words
'I know what is best for you'
and
'Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.'
I then had the thought of choosing the better thing, and how I had woken with this thought in mind, to do spiritual reading.
As I began my examen, I felt no sense of God's love with me, could not feel His Presence. I stretched to find a place He had blessed me in that day. There were many, but I felt no joy at the thought of them. As I looked back on my day, I saw how I had chosen a movie, not the best movie really, over reading a good book about a good man. I saw how when I felt I should rest at times, I would plop down in front of the television and watch whatever, sitting there with my knitting. I saw how I did not choose the better thing today, and how I was left feeling dry, dissatisfied, unhappy to the point of tears. As I spoke to the Lord about this, saying that I was sorry that I had not chosen the 'better' thing, and asking him to help me, to bless me with the grace to choose the better thing tomorrow, I felt my Peace return, and a quiet Joy in my heart.
Thank you, Lord Jesus. Amen.
O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.
Amen. by St. Ignatius of Loyola
Ignatian Spirituality.Com, Introduction to Discernment of Spirits
http://ignatianspirituality.com/making-good-decisions/discernment-of-spirits/introduction-to-discernment-of-spirits/
Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius 313 through 336
Guidelines for Discerning Different Movements; Guidelines for a More Subtle Discernment of Spirits
http://www.nwjesuits.org/JesuitSpirituality/Exercises/SpEx313_336.html
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