What is Contemplation?

July 23, 2012


John 6:1-15  The Miracle of the loaves
"He himself knew exactly what he was going to do." John 6:7


This morning as I read the Scripture for Sunday, these words stood out for me:
'He himself knew exactly what he was going to do.'


And this is the Lord: He does know exactly what He is going to do concerning all the concerns I bring before Him.


As He extended His hand and invited me into the Scripture, I saw large fields and a sea of people.


I saw how some were occupied with their families and needs, and so did not seem to be aware of the miracle that was taking place, the multiplication of the loaves, the baskets never emptying - yet Jesus provided for them.


Jesus showed me a mother holding her child to her and looking at the same time at what Jesus was doing, showing me how I should be.


I saw others who were aware that it was not possible for the basket to still be full after feeding so many.


I can be so occupied with my concerns, and not be aware, of how much the Lord is working in my life, and in the lives of those around me.


Help me Lord.
Open my eyes.
Let me see your good work,
that I may praise my Father in heaven.


I feel a Peace and a Joy within me.
Thank You Lord.

Orientations for Spiritual Growth, Gospel Contemplation - a fuller explanation

the WORD among us Daily Mass Reading & Meditation

What is Meditation?

February 3, 2012
"Jesus was filled with fear and great distress."  Mark 14:33
"And a sudden fear came over him and great distress."  Mark 14:33

As I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries, I saw that Jesus was always under the eyes of God in his suffering.
The Father saw all of his suffering.
'Just as I watched over My Son in his suffering,
so too I watch over you
in your suffering,
and I will lift you up.'

I saw that, as I carried the prayers for (my family member) in my heart, the Lord watched over me.
As she is going through this, the Lord is watching over her.
Thank you Lord.

And then as a confirmation I read and saw this Scripture in a new way:
"Jesus was filled with fear and great distress."  Mark 14:33  (Liturgy of the Hours)

The Father watched over His Son in his distress, just as He watches over me in my distress.

I cried at this and prayed my Rosary with uplifted hands.
Truly I am not alone in my suffering.

Truly God is with us.

'Dieu se fait proche de nous' is the reflection and prayer for the month of February in Prions en église.

Thank you Lord, for this very clear message that You are near.


February 6, 2012
Grace prayed for:  Power to Rejoice in my union with God
Theme:  God Gives Himself to me
Reading: Psalm 145

Again the hymn comes to me, and I stay with it: Gift of Finest Wheat
'You satisfy the hungry heart
With gift of finest wheat
Come give to us, O saving Lord
The bread of life to eat.'

As the words come to me in this refrain, my heart is filled with such love it is almost unbearable, to bring me to tears.

And as I look in my hymnal and sing the words in my heart, I am filled to unbearable with love for the Lord.

And the Lord says to me:
'It is only through My Word and My Body
that you can truly rejoice in
your union with me.
For man alone in the flesh
this is not possible.'

Jesuits in English Canada, Meditation

The Holy Rosary in Sacred Scripture

Daily Life - Come back to this post for more...

Journal entries


March 3, 2012
'This is the unitive way' the Lord said to me, I unite my sufferings to his in prayer for others. This is what Jesus did: his suffering and death was for me.  My offering up of prayers in my time of suffering for healing of others, is the unitive way.


October 26, 2011
1John 2:15-17  I felt great hope as I read this.  And the Lord said to me:
'Your temptation shall be in the banal.'   I looked up the word and it means: commonplace, trite, trivial.  And I can see this is true, television, a conversation on the telephone.


October 31, 2011
'Two generations coming against each other: one wants to go forward; the other wants to return to the past.'  Wisdom for parents, children, caregivers...


November 21, 2011
The Lord said to me that I should be aware of His Presence, He is always with me.
'Be aware of My Presence; I am always with you.'
I had such Peace.


December 12, 2011
The Lord said to me that this is the sign that no matter what the situation, I am never alone: He has put Jack in  my life and me in Jack's life.  This is the Lord's sign to the world that we are never alone. This is the Lord's sign to the world in marriage, that we are never alone.


December 24, 2011
Luke 2:1-14  What came to me as I contemplated was that Mary and Joseph's journey was long and hard.
'In this life you will have trouble, but do not fear, I am with you through it all.'
'In this world you will have troubles, but here I am in the midst of it all.'
'I am with you and will never abandon you.  Trust in Me, My child.  Trust in Me.'


December 30, 2011
As I prayed the Rosary, this happened at the Fourth Sorrowful Mystery, The Carrying of the Cross.
I am praying for the Grace of a deeper trust in God, and God is showing me a little of who He is that I want to trust in: He feels the burden of my pain; He carries it in His Own Heart; He suffers with me.
He Whom I desire to have a deeper trust in, knows and feels my pain, and carries it in His Own Heart.
'Through your life, you know a little of what my Son felt.'


January 4, 2012
'As much as is your desire to do good things for your children, much more is My desire to do good things for you.'
I am praying for a deeper trust in God, and God is giving me a deeper understanding of Who He is.


January 4, 2012
Contemplation of Matthew 2:1-12
'My Son came into a world of conniving and deceit.'
This is how it is in our faith walk - even in the midst of conniving and deceit - He guides our path, fills us with Joy, blesses us with all we need, and protects us from harm, always providing a way out from under our difficulties.


January 7, 2012
The Lord (then) said to me: 'fear of intimacy.'
'You have been avoiding me in prayer.'
And he said to me that I have a fear of intimacy.
'Your experience of intimacy is that it comes with many demands.  This is the human way.  But it is not this way with me.  My way is Freedom.'
And the Lord brought to mind past relationships and responsibilities.  I sat as I realized I was receiving a healing, and I felt a warmth and Presence in my heart.

January 7, 2012
'The perceived demands that come with intimacy with Jesus seem too overwhelming.'
'The human way comes with many demands.'
'This is your experience.'
'But it is not this way with Me.'
'I bring freedom.'
I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.'


January 19, 2012
The Magnificat, Luke 1:46-55
All generations will call me blessed. Verse 48b
'What you have given your children will be carried forward in their lives
and in the lives of those they love,
because what you have given them is from Me.'
Holy is His Name. Verse 49b
'Your desires bring distraction,
My desires bring Love and Peace.'


January 25, 2012
Liturgy of the Hours - At the close of the Office of Reading, I read:
"When we listen to your word,
our minds are filled with light.
- It is the lowly heart that understands."
Then the Lord said to me:
'If you knew the treasure of God, in sitting in silence with His Word,
You would never speak again.'

What is the Unitive Way?

Journal entry
March 3, 2012


I fell the Lord saying to me to trust in him.
Trust in me my child.  I will heal you of this infirmity.


I am still suffering with pain in my lower back.  When I wake it is quite painful.  It is hard to find a comfortable way to lie down, I am still on my back with a pillow under my knees, to prevent me from rolling around, and to lift the pressure from my lower back.  I felt a pain down my leg when I tried to shift this morning.


I was up early, couldn't sleep, so went to lie down reclined again in the chair in the office.  And I did sleep, although fitfully at times.


I do have a great fear, that I will have a herniated disk in the lower back, and I prayed to give this to the Lord.


At one point, I was filled with great joy and the thought came to me that the injury was muscular and would heal.  How joyful I felt!


I found a position sitting as I prayed that was quite comfortable, and I thought I could stay like this and keep praying for a very long time.


My prayer at one point was for those I pray for, and it was then that the Lord said to me that he was pleased because I had prayed for others and not for myself.


Earlier the Lord had said to me that it was in prayer that he would heal me.  And yet I had prayed for others with no thought to myself.  It was then that the Lord said to me that he was pleased with me.


There are so many on our telephone prayer chain who need help and healing.


I thanked the Lord for rescuing me from the threat of a herniated disk.


During the day, my pain is little.  Thank you Lord.  I think it is the fear that is the worst.




Examen Prayer
I saw how I felt sad...I thought of how I was and how I may have to sleep in both rooms, beginning in our bed, and then here alone in the office, if I woke with pain. And I thought of a young man at Church and his wife, and I wondered if he suffered physically from pain.  And I prayed for him and for his wife.  I prayed for his healing, that he would be restored to full health and strength, this young man, and for healing for his wife as well.


And the Lord then spoke to me and reminded me of the words he spoke to me when I asked for Wisdom as in James 1:5 for healing for my back.  He had said to me that I should 'trust in the process' - and I saw how Jesus had entered into a human body with its restrictions of time and space, I saw his suffering and his carrying the Cross.


And I asked the Lord to teach me as I was being healed.


The Lord reminded me of this and showed me that now in my sickness I was praying for others.  And I now see that this is an answer to my prayer:  that I had offered up my pain and suffering, that the Lord would use it as he sees fit for his own purpose.


'This is the unitive way' he said to me, I unite my sufferings to his in prayer for others.


This is what Jesus did:  his suffering and death was for me.


My offering up of prayers in my time of suffering for healing for others, is the unitive way.


Thank you Lord.


And I cried tears of consolation and love.  How blessed am I. Thank you Lord.
Amen.


I have asked the Lord today
to teach me through this suffering.
and I offered it up again,
that he may use it however he likes,
if he would do so.


If there is anyone of you who needs wisdom,
he must ask God,
who gives to all freely and ungrudgingly;
it will be given to him.
James 1:5


Understanding the spiritual journey: from the classical tradition to the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius, by Jean-Marc Laporte, S.J.

Finding God in All Things

Journal entry, November 10, 2010
Examen Prayer

Jack and I had gone for a walk in Bois-de-Liesse.  It was a clear, beautiful, sunshiny day.  As we walked, the path was quite muddy at times, and we had to side-step puddles of mud, but we (in general) did not slow our pace.  Then at one point we saw a woodpecker, with his head bright and fiery red, and another on the tree trunk just next to him.  We stayed there watching them.  So beautiful and peaceful.

The Lord said to me:
'Life can be messy, but as you walk and work together, it is also a very beautiful thing.'

And I felt Him telling me that we must accept these times together as a gift from Him, and not take each other for granted.  These times are moments of Grace that He has given us.
(I pray for the Grace to truly appreciate these times as gift from God)

I can see that there is a thread of meaning to these examens lately:  Jack and I, and that our times together are a gift from God.

Hallelujah!  Amen.


May 30, 2012
I have been carrying a heavy cross.  Too heavy.

A few mornings earlier, I had the thought: Do I need to go to the Accreditation Ceremony on May 24th?  When I shared this with Jack, he encouraged me, and said that after these five years of taking courses at the Ignatian Centre, I needed to be there.  I felt disheartened, but I did not have the energy to resist.  I got ready and off we went.

Jack was driving, and as he drove, I prayed to the Lord, offering this cross to Him, truly giving it into His hands, and telling him that I could not bear to carry it any longer.  I was on the verge of tears.

As we drove through the ribboned highways that are the Turcot Interchange, I remember looking off into the distance at the weaving bands of elevated highway - and having the sense of a great distance between myself and this concern - a difficult situation that I had been praying over in agony for so long.

As I continued to give it all into His hands, this sense of "distance" stayed with me, and the Lord spoke to my heart.  He said to me that this is how I am to pray into this situation: as for a family that is outside of myself. 'You are not to live this situation.  You are to pray for this family, as outside of yourself, just as you pray for so many others.'  I felt a great sense of Peace come over me, that has remained with me.

The following morning, this burden that would come to me the moment I woke, was no longer with me...I had to work to remember the details of it, and even then they wouldn't come...

I have received a beautiful Grace from the Lord:  I offered my cross to Jesus, and He has lifted it from me, and is carrying it Himself.

Thanks be to God for His immeasurable Love!
Thanks be to God for my husband Jack!

The gentle mastery of Christ
"Come to me, all you who are weary and are overburdened, and I will give you rest.  Shoulder your yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls!  Yes, my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Loyola Press, a Jesuit Ministry - Finding God in All Things

The beauty of Bois-de-Liesse...

What can be the fruit of a Retreat?

At the Accreditation and Missioning Ceremony at Saint Ignatius of Loyola Parish, Thursday May 24, 2012, Reta Defosses, Director of the Ignatian Spirituality Centre of Montreal, counselled us to do three things:
Meet with a Spiritual Director; meet with a Supervisor; make an Annual Retreat.


What can be the fruit of a Retreat? is a question I will answer by taking you along with me, through my journal entries, on a Retreat I made a couple of years ago...

BEYOND EXPECTATIONS

Ignatian Prayer Retreat

Conducted by

Father Timothy M. Gallagher OMV

Manoir D'Youville, Châteauguay

May 7-9th, 2010

Retreat May 7, 2010
Friday evening, 8:15pm  Zacchaeus  Luke 19:5, 9
"Come down, for I must stay at your house...salvation has come to this house."


I felt touched, loved.
The Lord speaks about His coming to me and inviting me years ago, salvation coming to my house.
(He has my home, heart, life now)
Thank You, Lord.


Retreat  May 8, 2010
Saturday morning, 9:25am
Why are you Afraid?  Matthew 8:23-27, Jesus Stills the Storm
Jesus was asleep.
Again, very peaceful.
I felt the tiredness, but deep Peace of Him.
It was my tiredness.


Scriptures for weekend are mine:
"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
"Only in the Lord be at rest O my soul, for from him comes thy salvation."
(received as a young girl)
Book, Discovering Your Personal Vocation, by Herbert Alphonso.
(My life is prayer, prayer is my life)
(He has put this in place for me, what I said No to when I was young)


Retreat  Saturday 11am
Mark 5:24-34
The Courage to tell Jesus everything
A woman Healed
I cried.  I made my way through.  It was loud, scary.  I have been trying to tell them but couldn't, felt prevented.
I remembered when I was a young girl. I was on a retreat with my school, Holy Names.
I knew God was calling me to be a nun.
"Only in the Lord be at rest O my soul, for from him comes thy salvation."
on a (Holy) card.


Reality - heading back home.  I cried.  I talked to the Lord.  I said No.  And I remember how childish I felt about my response.  I knew He was calling me and I knew I was saying No.
"I want to have boyfriends" I said.
For years I thought that what happened in my life was punishment, for a life lived apart from God's will.
(At 21, I entered into a marriage that I knew was wrong, forced; I suffered much abuse until my parents came to take me and my two young children home with them)


The only place I knew was good was when God put Jack in my life.
He knows this too.


Confession of a sin of long ago, forgiving myself (for saying No).  Acknowledging that this was a call, and that I had said No, and, that God has redeemed my life, and provided a safe place for me.
"Daughter,
your faith has made you well.
Be healed of your dis-ease."
Amen.
Please dear Lord set me free,
Heal me and make me whole.


Call was denied.  This is what comes to me as I pray for wisdom, how to see this through God's eyes.  So much has transpired since that time, so much pain.  Would the Lord heal this now?  I had not ever acknowledged this denial as pain, but it seems to be a thread that has run through my life...rejection.  Is this how God felt when I said No?  Is this what God felt when I said No?  But He has redeemed my life.  and I am doing what He called me to do so many years ago.  (healing ministry and other things come to me)  I can freely choose.  I know this.
'My life is Yours, do with me what you will' is my constant prayer.
Is the Lord bringing my heart into a right place?


Retreat  Saturday 2pm
Spiritual Reading
The woman at Jesus' feet.
Luke 8:36:50
"Her sins, which were many, have been forgiven."  v 47a
"hence she has shown great love."  v 47b


I entered the scene (in the Scripture), and Jesus said to me that I have to let go of this one sin now.  It has become a 'hook' for the enemy. I have to forgive myself.
What I heard was a story:
'There was a ship and many people wanted to get on the boat.  Would you leave room for someone else if there was room for only one?  That is what you did. What you could not do, another did.  And I came looking for you, I came back for you.
Forgive yourself.
I have forgiven you.'
Lord please bless me with the Grace to forgive myself.
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Confession.


Retreat  Saturday 5-6:15pm
(I went to see Father Gallagher)
Scripture Luke 4:16:21
I went to Confession.  What a joy.  It was hard to talk about, but easy at the same time.  I spoke of when I was a young girl, the feeling I had in Church, and at the retreat, that I told no one.  The decision and the conversation with God.  I also shared about how my whole life changed, from innocence to horror.
I had been forgiven a lot, but I had never forgiven myself (for saying No to God).
The hymn that kept coming to me after was:
"Mercy is falling, is falling, is falling,
Mercy is falling like sweet spring rain..."


On praying with Scripture, this is what happened:


I entered the synagogue with the Lord.
He took me to His place.  They gave Him the scroll and He passed it to me, and directed me to read.  I read and then we sat down.  The words, 'all eyes were on us' came to me.  And then Jesus said 'This day this Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.'


Thank You Lord.


Retreat  Saturday evening 7pm
Jesus gives His Life
Luke 23:26-49
The part (of the Scripture) I stayed with was when the soldiers cast lots for His clothes.  They were going for the temporal treasure and the Word of Life was before them.  The new garment of life, that we receive at Baptism.
Foolish, and what loss to themselves.


Retreat  Sunday 9:15am
Woman in Tears
John 20:1, 11-18
Mary Magdala
I entered (the Scripture) and Jesus asked me what I wanted, what I was looking for.  He took me by the hand and led me out.


John 21:1-19
The Lord took my hand, invited me to come into the Scripture.  This is what He has said a few times now.
We were on the shore.  He asked me what I had.  I had a few small fishes and we cooked them.  I saw the disciples fishing in their boat.
He said to me a few times:
'Out of your poverty, you have given much.'
Thank You Lord.
And we are pleased.  I am pleased seeing the disciples fishing.
I stand hand in hand on the shore as He calls to them.
Then again we are alone and He is speaking of the few fishes.
'Out of your poverty
you have given much.'


What can I say before this?
What can I say?




(Following the Retreat)
May 10, 2010  I have come full circle.
Main message received from the Conference: Beyond Expectations


Up to the age of 16, I had a deep love for spiritual things, I loved learning about religion in school, I think it was my favourite class.  I loved going to the Church on Fridays, walking there with the class, and going to confession, then doing the Stations of the Cross.


I went on a retreat with my high school class and during that weekend, it became clear that the Lord was calling me to be a nun.  I was happy about this.  However, when it was time to go, waiting for the bus, it was like I was crossing a threshold back to the world and I spoke to the Lord, saying, "I know that you are calling me to be a Sister, but I'm sorry, I'm going to say No.  I want boyfriends."  I remember feeling very sad and knowing clearly I was saying No to Him, and feeling very childish and selfish in my choice.  I remember telling Him I was sorry.
(A few years ago, my mom said that I had come home and said that I might want to be a nun; everyone thought this was amusing, and didn't take it seriously; I don't remember this)


Years later the Lord is showing me that He has redeemed my life.  He blessed me with two beautiful children, and in His Grace, blessed me with a wonderful husband.


He has shown me that all that I am feeling called to do today, is what He would have called me to do as a nun: the healing ministry, Legion of Mary, Spiritual Direction, etc.


He has redeemed my life.


Even though I said No, He has put things in place for me.  He has put Jack in my life.  He blessed me with my children.
Thank you Lord.


Song, Mercy is Falling - Album, Hello Kids

Photo taken of me at the Crowning of Mary...

What is Spiritual Desolation?

March 26, 2012 (journal entry of my examen prayer)


It is Sunday, a day of rest I thought.  I had the thought to read spiritual things today, and to rest.


After praying the Rosary (together with Jack), we went upstairs to read.  I took out my work from my course on Spiritual Direction.  I finished an article on discernment, and started to look back at my notes.  I became distracted and felt tired, sleepy even.  I went back to bed (we had woken up at 5:30am).  I slept for almost 2 hours.  When I woke, Jack was preparing brunch for us.  My tea was ready, and I sat in front of the television watching the end of an action movie.  After lunch there was only 5 minutes left (of the movie) and again I went upstairs.  I had in mind to finish reading a book about Brother André.  I was at the part on virtues and found it uplifting, but I had put it aside.  I spent a little time in prayer.  Then I thought I should prepare supper, so that it would be ready when we came home from evening Mass.  I returned downstairs and turned on the television.  A comedy was coming on, I could cook and watch it at the same time.


It wasn't a "bad" movie, a little distasteful at times, but not a "bad" movie really.  I again became distracted and felt unhappy and dissatisfied.


While the chili simmered, we took our showers; then as I dried off I again felt sad, but this time to the point of tears.  What is happening to me Lord?  Am I too stressed? Is this a burnout?  I heard the words
'I know what is best for you'
and
'Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.' 
I then had the thought of choosing the better thing, and how I had woken with this thought in mind, to do spiritual reading.


As I began my examen, I felt no sense of God's love with me, could not feel His Presence.  I stretched to find a place He had blessed me in that day.  There were many, but I felt no joy at the thought of them.  As I looked back on my day, I saw how I had chosen a movie, not the best movie really, over reading a good book about a good man.  I saw how when I felt I should rest at times, I would plop down in front of the television and watch whatever, sitting there with my knitting.  I saw how I did not choose the better thing today, and how I was left feeling dry, dissatisfied, unhappy to the point of tears.  As I spoke to the Lord about this, saying that I was sorry that I had not chosen the 'better' thing, and asking him to help me, to bless me with the grace to choose the better thing tomorrow, I felt my Peace return, and a quiet Joy in my heart.
Thank you, Lord Jesus.  Amen.


O Christ Jesus
When all is darkness
And we feel our weakness and helplessness,
Give us the sense of Your Presence,
Your Love and Your Strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
In Your protecting love
And strengthening power,
So that nothing may frighten or worry us,
For, living close to You,
We shall see Your Hand,
Your Purpose, Your Will through all things.
 Amen.               by St. Ignatius of Loyola




 Ignatian Spirituality.Com, Introduction to Discernment of Spirits
http://ignatianspirituality.com/making-good-decisions/discernment-of-spirits/introduction-to-discernment-of-spirits/

Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius 313 through 336
Guidelines for Discerning Different Movements; Guidelines for a More Subtle Discernment of Spirits
http://www.nwjesuits.org/JesuitSpirituality/Exercises/SpEx313_336.html

What are the Spiritual Exercises?

Today I thought I would take you along with me on part of the journey I took five years ago through the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius of Loyola.  I would meet once weekly with Monica, my Spiritual Director during that time.  The journey begins in the Garden of Gethsemane and continues through to the Crucifixion, Death, and Resurrection of our Lord...the dated entries are excerpts from the spiritual journals of my prayer experience of that time...Thanks to Jesus Christ, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, the reality of the Resurrection is ours as well.  So too is the Passion.


September 1, 2007, Garden of Gethsemane - Peace and Love My child.  These things are the fruits of prayer.  Nowhere else can this be found.


September 8, 2007 - You do not strive for holiness.  It comes as a result of My being in you.


September 9, 2007 - Everything that comes to me (suffering) is filtered through God's hand.  This is Grace.
I can offer it to Him to use as He will.  This also is Grace.  Through my suffering, the faith of others may grow.  It is not just about me (and my suffering).  This is Grace.


September 13, 2007 Matthew 27; Mark 15; Luke 23; John 19 - Jesus lives his Passion
a scriptural basis for prayer vigil
Write these words My child.  Keep watch with Me.  As in the Garden and as at the foot of the Cross.
Do not worry so about your attentiveness. As seen in the Scriptures this is the human condition.  But know this: I am there to call you back.  Prayer is of the essence.  In no way can man put his hand to the task without prayer.  Yet remember this: when in prayer you are not alone.  It is not only one voice, your voice, that speaks.  I also am there.  This is prayer: to seek the will of The One Who Saves, The Holy One, The Lord God Almighty.  I have given you example that so you also must do.  Now go to your day, and trust in Me.  For you are not alone.  Alleluia.  Alleluia.  The Lord has risen indeed.  Alleluia.


September 16, 2007 Matthew 27; Mark 15; Luke 23; John 19 - Jesus lives his Passion
Mary the Mother of God, Mary her sister and wife to Clopas, and Mary Magdalene, three women at the foot of the Cross.  In the darkest moment in history, there was ministry: Between sisters, between friends, to a mother, to a friend.  It is in the waiting before God that we discover the depth of who God is.  We suffer, but beyond the suffering, there is God.  Jesus suffered terribly.  But beyond his suffering, he found God, his Father.
The waiting, and what God does through Jesus in the waiting, is what comes to me.


September 18, 2007 (At the foot of the Cross) - First, I heard the shouting and jeering at Jesus. I thought, they don't understand that the Son of God is Divine.  He doesn't have to come down from the Cross.  Their jeers show the arrogance of what they think they are as human beings. (They think) they are better on the ground than he who is raised up on a Cross.
Then it was over.
They gave his body into Mary's arms.  The pain of tears came. The pain she feels in her heart to see her Son this way.  And then with others, Joseph of Arimathaea is there to take his body.  It is a somber procession, carrying his body, heavy and limp.  In the cold stone of the tomb they lay him.  The cold stone, the damp cold air of the garden near this stone. The smell of the night there, all these things come to me. We are sad.  We feel the loss.  I cry and cry for the pain she must feel.  I tell Mary I am sorry that my sin did this.
Then thoughts come of a living Jesus, healthy and dusty from the road, laughing, healing, feeding.  They talk about things he's done and the air feels a little lighter.  Mary comforts Mary Magdalene.  "This is not all there is, Mary, there is more. There must be.  We'll see him again."  Yes, she was the first disciple.
I can see this now because of my own mom.  She took each of us, one by one, her children, to pray at Dad's coffin.  Even in her loss, she cared for us.
O yes, Mary my Mother ministered to all who were around her.  She took my face in her hands at one point and said, "Yes, your years are wise, but you are still my child."  I could see my hair was grey, as it is now.  Thank you, Holy Mother.
The Lord speaks:  As you wait before me my child, in sorrow and in joy, I shall speak to you.  There is nothing that is hidden from my sight. I love you with a love that is everlasting.  This is why I have given you my Mother.  Trust in me and I will do this: I will grant you the desires of your heart.  Amen and Amen.  I will say it again. Amen.
Thank you Lord. My life is yours.  Do with me as you will.  In Jesus' Name, Amen.


September 19, 2007 - An awful scene before.  To take him down they would have had to remove the nails.  This wasn't easy I saw.  Then finally he's in his Mother's arms, bleeding, torn.  And Joseph of Arimathaea is there, with 75 pounds of spices. They carry his body limp, over the rough terrain to the garden where the tomb is.  They prepare his body, putting the 75 pounds of spices on it, treating him with dignity and tenderly, respectfully.  They wrap his body with the linen.  Then his head with another cloth, the spices on his head.
Before they do this, they tenderly wash away the blood and dirt to prepare his body for the spices.
Mary sits quietly in the tomb as they do this.  She puts her mantle over me.  She wraps me tightly. She keeps saying, "This is not over.  It is not the end.  There is more."  She takes comfort in me her child, in holding me.  Jesus has done this: Son, behold your Mother, Mother behold your child.  
DAUGHTER.
My mom took comfort in her children, and still does, when my father died.  She took each of us to the coffin to pray one last time with dad.  I can see Mary doing this, in the way she took comfort in me.
'It is not over' I keep hearing.


September 20, 2007 - First I am with Mary at the foot of the Cross and she comforts me, taking me again, pulling tightly her mantle around me.  At the tomb it is earthy, damp, cold.  I hear her talking to me.  She tells me that it is not just the loss, but the separation.  She keeps saying 'This is not the end.  There is more.'
I put my hands on the stone that covers the tomb.  It is hard and cold.  It separates. Mary tells me that even the Father is separated now.  'My God My God, why have you forsaken me?'
On the Cross it was not just the pain of physical suffering, she tells me, it was sin and sickness.  Evil was all around. This was the battle.  It was more than physical suffering.
I put my hands a few times on the stone, hard and cold.  This is what it is like to be separated from God.  This is the obstacle that is between us when we sin.
Mary puts her hand on my breastbone and explains these things to me.
How unworthy I am of this.


September 21, 2007 - The Lord speaks:  You are able to forgive because you have the Holy Spirit in you.  Before this, it would not have been possible.  See how harshly they judge.  This is because their hearts were hard.  Then I came and opened the way for all men. Now man can see.  And if he judges rightly, he shall live.  If not, he shall die.  But each man shall judge for himself.
I see the judgment seat and Pilate there.  The teachers of the law, the Pharisees, the Elders, all who know the Scriptures are there.  They keep shouting 'Crucify him!'  Pilate states the truth continually 'Here is your king.'  But they can't hear.
This is my judgement that Jesus is taking.  I ask him to forgive me.  If I stood in the heavenlies (before), I would be rightly judged this way.  Now I can be judged on the merits of Jesus.
The judgement was cold and harsh and clear, made with pain and love, before Christ.  Now there is joy in heaven, thanks to Christ.
For Jesus, it was cold, and harsh and clear.  Like a lamb led to slaughter on a cold stone, he says nothing.  Nothing in his defense.  Nothing.


September 22, 2007 - I am again with Mary at the foot of the Cross.  She calls me and opens her cloak to me.  She has Jesus on her lap. 'Come mourn with me' she says.  And opens her cloak to welcome me in.
Jesus' voice comes to me. "It is through the Holy Spirit she can do this."  Mary forgives me.  Jesus died for me and yet she welcomes me in to mourn with her.


September 23, 2007 - We are in a room.  Mary is there, waiting - she calls me to sit with her.  She is on a long bench near a table.  Mary her sister and Mary Magdalene is there.  "Let us talk of the things he did" says Mary his Mother.  Mary reminds us of the first time he ministered.  The Wedding at Cana.  I could feel the love and close bond between Mother and Son.  Still obedient to her, he waits for her to launch him into his ministry: 'Do whatever he tells you.'
Others will come to mourn with her, under cover of night, because they are afraid.
Mary Magdalene speaks of what he did for her.
Mary holds me tight to comfort me.  In comforting me, she herself is comforted.  I am also her child.  My mom took her comfort, and still does, in being with us.
Now I understand how Mary can love us.  She takes comfort in all her children.


September 26, 2007 - I am in the tomb.  There is light.  Jesus' body is no longer there.
I hear: 'A window of light has been opened between heaven and earth. And the stone is rolled away.'
The Lord speaks: 'Do you think that the stone needed to be rolled away so that I could be risen, or do you think that the stone needed to be rolled away so that you could see that I was risen?'


September 27, 2007 - In the tomb again.  It's quiet here - time to think.  The walls are cold and hard.
Jesus is not here.  This place is empty.  There is nothing here.
No Holy Spirit.
This is what it is like to be without the Lord.
I feel peaceful because I have the promise.  What about those who don't?


September 29, 2007 - I was in the tomb.  It was semi dark. The walls were cold stone.
Our hearts can be like this without Jesus I thought.  I also saw that the world was a cold dark place without Jesus.  I felt a Peace come into my being.


September 30, 2007 - I feel very peaceful. Not happy, but peaceful.  No more tears of sadness.  This is good.  Again I have the thought that without Jesus in the world, we are lost, and our sinful tendencies are hard to resist.  I feel ready for whatever is ahead.


October 1, 2007 - In the tomb again.  The disciples are there.  Then they are not.  Mary is there.  She is able to endure through the Holy Spirit.  They run away, can't bear it.
I need the Holy Spirit to endure.
Feeling pretty peaceful and subdued.  No joy, but peaceful.
It is done.


October 2, 2007 - The thoughts that came to me: Mary would know now the reality of the things she treasured in her heart.  She would also see that as Jesus healed bodies when he walked on earth, so he saves souls.  She would also know that she can't hold on to him for herself - that he was for the world.  She would also be given by Jesus an understanding of her new call as our Mother.  John, who wrote of this, was the one who cared for her as his Mother.  All that they had suffered, Mother and Son, was for this.


October 3, 2007 - I am in the garden near the tomb.  Mary is there and Jesus risen.  They greet with great joy, and he even lifts her up. There is glorious light shining from him and for a moment he dances around before her in joy like a child.  Jesus tells her that he is raising her to a new place and that "all these" are now her children and that we need her help.  Her work is not over.  He encourages her to encourage and pray for the disciples and to wait.  He does not leave them as orphans even now. She is filled with the Holy Spirit and she will encourage them.  Then they will all be filled - "Let your heart be one with mine" Jesus says and he encloses his Mother into his arms.  And hearts divine are close.  It occurs to me that Mary will be between 46 and 50.  So the grey-haired, little, weary woman is embraced, by her Son now risen.  It is filled with light in that place.


October 4, 2007 - Mary knew this moment for she had treasured up all these things in her heart.  "When he the Spirit of Truth comes, he will lead you into all Truth."
I knew when my job (at work) was being cut. God would not abandon Mary.  As she was filled with, overshadowed by, the Holy Spirit, the Spirit would lead her into all Truth.
Peace and Love.  Joy in the morning.  She was not surprised to see Jesus, because she knew these things in her heart.


October 5, 2007 - The Lord speaks: I am here Mother, but I am not here only for Myself.  There are these here with us now who need to be cared for and those who are yet to come. Life is bitter without me.  Yet you are with me now.  Do not fear.  I will never abandon you or forsake you.


October 6, 2007 -There is no greater joy than to see the Word of the Lord come to pass.  Mary and Jesus know this joy as they meet. Jesus and Mary gave example of suffering under the hand of God.  And now the pain is gone. There is much Joy and Peace as they meet.  And through the power of the Spirit Mary is given revelation for her own part.  She treasures these things in her heart.


October 7, 2007 - There is much joy as understanding comes. What Jesus has done has opened the way to salvation for many. Mary saw her Son suffer with Grace. Now she sees him in Glory. As a mother is proud of her Son, so Mary is pleased with Jesus.


October 8, 2007 - Write these words, my child. As I have gone through these things, my child, so I will enable you to endure as well.  There is glory in the waiting.  For I wait now to see all sons come into their glory. My mother was able to endure for my Spirit was within her.  So too you will endure, for my Spirit rests on you.  I know the times are hard, but joy will come, glory will come, in the morning.  Man lives on this earth as if he would never leave.  Yet know this: I am ever near.  Even in the passing. My Mother will endure until all sons come to glory, for she points the way to me.  'See my Son' she says.  'Pray to him. Ask him for patient endurance.'


October 9, 2007 - Again I see Jesus swinging his mother around him, as one would swing a child.  There is much joy between them.  He speaks to her at length as they walk along, things I do not know anything about.  He is revealing to her her part in the plan of salvation.  Much of this would come through, in John's Gospel.  There would be many years ahead, but she would be able to endure, for she understood the plan for her life in entirety now.  Trust and patient endurance. Both Mary and Jesus were blessed with these qualities, these Graces.
Trust and patient endurance.


October 10, 2007 - Even in the darkness, I could see the light. She would not have him with her as before, but now she knew what was ahead.  There is joy at seeing her risen Son.  But she was still limited to this place and this time.  What she knew in her heart she now knew to be true: it was not the end. But she still would need patient endurance, for not all would accept her Son. She understood as he spoke, of what was to come.
Our Lady of Sorrows.
The Lady of Fatima.
The knowledge of what was to come to mankind and her role as messenger who also would be rejected even in the eternal kingdom (Word in Revelation about Mary...a sign appeared in heaven...).
Patient endurance.


October 11, 2007 - The roles are reversed.  As a child he subjected himself unto Mary and Joseph, and went home with them (at twelve). Now she is listening as he speaks.  As Jesus gave instruction to Peter about feeding his sheep, so Jesus now instructs Mary. And this will continue until he comes again.


October 12, 2007 - Mary: "I put my hand on you.  I know you.  I know your struggle and I will not let you go.  I know you rejected me.  And I know now you welcome me. This world is a hard place, my child.  Not easy to walk alone. Stand firm.  Trust.  Patient endurance."


October 13, 2007 - Though there are tears in the night, joy will come in the morning.  Trust me my child. Trust me.  And I will do this: I will make your righteousness shine like the noonday sun. This is what I have done for my mother.  And I will do it for you.


October 14, 2007 - My life is yours Lord to do with as you wish.  I see what you have done for Mary, and I know you will do this for me. Only this I ask, for the Grace of patient endurance.  And for the Grace to trust in You.


October 15, 2007 - Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.  Psalm 30:5b
Contemplation on the Love of God
Take and Receive, prayer (see immediately below).
TAKE AND RECEIVE
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will - all that I have and call my own. You have given it all to me.  To you, Lord, I return it.  Everything is yours; do with it what you will.  Give me only your love and your grace.  That is enough for me.


Write these words, my child. You do not yet understand. Your life is more than a series of planned prayer times.  Your entire life is a prayer to me.  Yet you do need to come before me, and you do.  If you feel a criticism of your times of prayer, who is it that comes to you?  For it is not I the Lord of Glory.  For I am well pleased my child.  Well pleased.


Thank you Lord for this new reflection, for the clear outline of how much you have blessed me, and for this prayer to recognize my gifts and to offer them to you for your use. I often pray: use me for the advancement of the Kingdom; my life is yours Thank you for this answer to prayer, this understanding of what to pray.
Thank you for the gift of prayer.


A brief description of the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius
Jesuit Collaborative: SPIRITUAL EXERCISES

What is the Examen Prayer?

February 16, 2012 (examen prayer entry from my spiritual journal)
This was a lesson in times of desolation.
The Lord brought to mind how yesterday, I felt dizzy because of my cold.  My head  was congested, my ear had pain.  When I woke yesterday morning, I had to hold on to the walls, I was so dizzy.  The room was turning, and I felt nauseous. After I ate breakfast and prayed the rosary, I did some prayer time and felt a bit better.  But still not good.


I persevered in completing our tax returns throughout the day, even though my head felt awful, and I felt weak and unsteady from the head cold. I have been sick for one week now - the cold began last Thursday.


Jack helped me, by doing supper and lunch and cleaning up as well.


I completed all last night, even praying for wisdom concerning our medical expenses, whether it was worth it for $23.30.  After all the work, I felt the Lord leading me to 'keep it simple' and leave it as it is, setting aside the credit for medical expenses.


I felt sick but I wanted to complete the work, and persevered to the end.  At 10pm, all returns were ready for the mail, for both of us, federal and provincial.


Through this the Lord showed me that this is how we should persevere in times of desolation.


We may not have the spiritual strength, energy, or desire. We may feel heavy with fear, doubt, or simply empty, dark, void of desire or hope.  In that time, we will receive, through grace, enough energy to persevere in our prayer time.  The Lord will provide what we need.


And in the end, we may not feel elated, we may still feel the same, but the work will have been brought to completion.


And from the time of desolation, will come a hidden fruit, a nugget, wisdom for another time.


For me it was simply this, a lesson in persevering in times of desolation.  I am encouraged, for I feel at times that I am in desolation, since (a family member's) diagnosis.


And I persevere.  It has been a long year since we first received this diagnosis last February.


I thank the Lord for carrying us through and I continue to pray for her healing.


What is coming to me is that, in difficult times, when struggling in prayer, keep it simple.
This is not the time to strive, in the hope of great revelations.  Keep it simple.




"Bow down, then, before the power of God now, and he will raise you up on the appointed day; unload all your worries on to him, since he is looking after you...You will have to suffer only for a little while: the God of all grace who called you to eternal glory in Christ will see that all is well again: he will confirm, strengthen and support you.  His power lasts for ever and ever.  Amen."  1Peter 5:6,7,10,11




To know more about this method of prayer, see below for an Outline of the Examen, and for links to online video teaching presented by Fr. Timothy Gallagher.


An Outline of the Examen


This outline is based on Ignatius' presentation of the examen in the Spiritual Exercises (no. 43).


Transition:  I become aware of the love with which God looks upon me as I begin this examen.


Step One: Gratitude.  I note the gifts that God's love has given me this day, and I give thanks to God for them.


Step Two: Petition.  I ask God for an insight and a strength that will make this examen a work of grace, fruitful beyond my human capacity alone.


Step Three: Review.  With my God, I review the day.  I look for the stirrings in my heart and the thoughts that God has given me this day.  I look also for those that have not been of God.  I review my choices in response to both, and throughout the day in general.


Step Four: Forgiveness.  I ask for the healing touch of the forgiving God who, with love and respect for me, removes my heart's burdens.


Step Five: Renewal.  I look to the following day and, with God, plan concretely how to live it in accord with God's loving desire for my life.


Transition:  Aware of God's presence with me, I prayerfully conclude the examen.




Fr. Timothy Gallagher on the Examen Prayer
See also links for the Examen Prayer 1st, 2nd, and 3rd steps...

What is Discernment of Spirits?

It was the early 80's.  The kids were playing in the basement after supper; the dishwasher was on.  I lay down to close my eyes for a bit.  I kept feeling that I should get up, and the thought of flooding water came to me.  I was tired and pushed it aside.  Paranoid I thought.  I continued to lie there.  Then I heard the children calling me.  I went downstairs, and there it was: a dish covering the drain of the sink; it had blocked the water that was emptying from the dishwasher. The sink had overflowed, sending drips of water down to the basement.  Thankfully, my children noticed the water, and called me right away.  A bit of cleaning up, but no serious damage was done.  I thought: I should have paid attention to that inner nudge.


One day in the late 80's I was standing beside my desk with a customer services officer who needed my help with a client.  The bank was full of customers.  Suddenly a rush of urgency came over me, and the thought: Quick. Check the Tellers.  I left the surprised woman in the middle of her sentence, and quickly crossed over to the glass-enclosed area where the Tellers worked.  I had recently begun to do spot checks of their cash drawers, in an effort to encourage them to be more vigilant of their cash drawer limits.  "But we never get robbed," they would moan when I spoke of their responsibility in this area of their work.  They were surprised to see me again, as I had just completed one of my "surprise" spot checks.  One by one I checked their cash drawers: they had all taken in cash, and were all over the limit. The excess cash was quickly bundled and "dropped" into hidden vaults.  I exited the "cage", and went to the customer services officer whom I had left standing at my desk. She was custodian of a portable cash unit that was rolled out when the branch was busy.  "O non, Penny, pas maintenant," she said to me as I quietly asked her to show me the contents of her cash drawer.  She also was well over the limit. As this last bundle of excess cash was "dropped" by the Head Teller in the cage, we heard a man shouting: We were being robbed.  It was the first time the branch had been robbed, and thankfully he didn't get much.  I felt a deep sense of peace inside as I did all that needed to be done in a calm and orderly manner - locking the branch, calling the police, assisting the staff, speaking with detectives, reporting, etc.  I had been praying and asking the Lord to bless me in my work life, and as I worked that day, I knew with certainty that He had helped me in a very special way.


In the mid 90's I worked for a Christian NGO.  An opportunity arose for staff members to work for a few weeks overseas, to give overseas staff some vacation time.  I thought: God has blessed me with so much in my life; I can do this.  I spoke with my husband, who is always supportive of me.  Jack mentioned that he wasn't sure I had the physical strength for such work, but that it was my decision.  I had suffered a herniated disk several years earlier, but with no surgery, had recuperated quite well.  I applied, had my interview, and was asked if I would be interested in leading the team.  Our destination would be in a remote area of the Philippines or Haiti.  My family was also concerned for my health.  Meanwhile, my enthusiasm was waning, and I was feeling confused and uncertain.  One day I biked with Jack to visit my sister Nancy, who again expressed her concern.  Feeling sad, and a little defiant, I said to her, "I am praying about this, you know"  She gently but firmly took hold of my shoulders, looked closely into my eyes, and said, "Yes.  And the Lord is answering you.  Through your family, who loves you, and are worried about you."  I was quite taken aback.  We hugged our goodbyes, and as Jack and I rode away I said to him, "but God has blessed me with so much...."   "Yes, He has," Jack said, "but do you think God would want you to risk your health to pay him back."  And my eyes opened a little.  When I was back in the office, I contacted the department, apologized, and said that I had reconsidered my decision to go overseas.  I felt quite disappointed, like a child, and I realized that this was something that I had desired for myself, and not a direction that God had called me in.  Later that day, I met another woman in the office who had also applied to go overseas, but whose application had not been accepted.  She too was quite disappointed.  We took time to share together about our feelings of disappointment, and to come to a place of peace and comfort.


It was the late 90's.  I was working from my home office, and just settling in for the morning. The memory of a past hurt kept coming to me, and I struggled to dismiss it. Haven't I already dealt with this, Lord?  When will  it go away?  I felt the Lord drawing me back to prayer.  I was quite unwilling to look at this experience again, but the urging I felt to come back to prayer was strong and persistent.  With a mixture of unwillingness, impatience and obedience, I set aside my work, my notes, my agenda, and I said out loud All right, Lord!  As I sat there, the memory of that experience came flooding back to me, and with it came a surge of feelings - hurt and rejection that I had pushed down deep inside of me so long ago. I felt the Lord asking me to give it all to him, and I did, the memory and the pain, with tears flowing freely down my face.  Then, though my eyes were closed, I saw and felt a warm light coming down through the top of my head, and filling me with warmth and light; I knew I was being healed of this memory.  I sat there quietly, fully aware of love and peace and warmth and light.  And as I sat there, I heard in my heart a voice that said, Now when you remember, it will be different.  And it is.  Now when I remember, there is no pain - it dissipates - and I only feel love and wonder and peace and joy.



Now, one may ask:
Does God really care if my kitchen floods?
Can God really help me in my work life?
Will He really heal me of the wounds in my heart?

And I have learned that the answer is, yes, yes, and yes.


Where do these thoughts, feelings, desires, and inner nudges come from?  How do we recognize the good, the not-so-good, the bad?  How can we learn to discern: what to accept; what to reject?


Through Ignatius of Loyola, God has given us an incredible gift, Rules for Discernment of Spirits.

Take some time to look at the videos found on the links below.


Pick up a book by Father Timothy Gallagher.


Best of all, contact an Ignatian Spirituality Centre and ask to be matched with a Spiritual Director.  We are a very accommodating lot. My Spiritual Director meets with me in my home, and I meet with my directees in an office in my home.  I know of one Spiritual Director who meets with a directee in prison, another who meets with her directees on their lunch break at work, another who uses email, another who skypes, and many more who meet at Spirituality Centres.  It doesn't matter what your schedule is or where you live.  The possibilities are endless.


And what exactly are these Rules for Discernment of Spirits of Saint Ignatius??  They are quite simply guides for living a discerning life...


One of my directees put it quite succinctly:
 "God lets me have the experience of a Rule in my life.  Then when I read it, I understand it, because I have lived it."


Amazing. 


It is not every spirit, my dear people, that you can trust;
test them, to see if they come from God.
1John 4:1


Intro to Ignatian Life
Fr. Timothy Gallagher talks about how to discern the spirits by being aware, by understanding, and by taking action.  Select View all related episodes to learn about each of the 14 Rules of Discernment of Spirits.


Books by Fr. Timothy Gallagher